


[bitter content] love letters

by a_paper_crane



Category: Unwind Dystology - Neal Shusterman
Genre: hayden is sad, ive only read unwind so far, love letter to parents, sonias letters, this almost made me cry, very bitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 17:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17729297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_paper_crane/pseuds/a_paper_crane
Summary: We know Connor's letter, but what about the others?





	[bitter content] love letters

Dearest Mama,

Fuck you. Fuck you and Dad for fighting over money. Fuck you for getting divorced. Fuck you for being spiteful enough to Unwind me rather than give me to Dad. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

That being said, I love you so much, Mama. I love you and I miss you and I miss Dad. I wish things would go back to how they were before, before you decided that money was more important than your marriage and pride was more important than your son. If either of you could apologize, this wouldn't be happening.

You have taught me my whole life that there is shame in not knowing, and shame is the worst fate a rich kid like me could be sentenced to. Funny, isn't it? Poor rich boy has access to everything he wants except for his own opinions, which evade him at every turn. So why was I such an arrogant little snot? You told me to hide what I didn't know, so I covered my thoughts and insecurities with wisecracks and distractions because it was easy. Knowing you, Mama, you're reading this in my angry voice, but I promise I'm not angry. I'm just confused, Mama. I look at my hands writing this and I wonder, who is this kid? And the know-it-all part of my brain says "Hayden Upchurch, you dumbass." Then the thoughtful part says "Are you sure?" I'm not an Upchurch anymore, Mama. I never was. You and Dad know what you're doing all the time and you take pride in it. I don't know, but I teeter on the cliff face of questions I don't want the answer to like a toddler learning to walk. What happens to your soul when you get Unwound? Don't shush me and don't answer in that tone of voice. Give me a definitive answer. Give me reasons. Convince me, Mama, because I've gone my whole life in need of convincing and nobody's done anything. 

What did you and Dad have against emotions? Were they, too, a sign of not knowing? Why did you tell you crying six year old son to "stop it or you'll get soft." I was a little boy, Mama. Six years old. Look at me know. My glass mask has broken and it's leaking tears onto the page. I don't want to be crying, but I am. Why is that? The kids told not to cry want to the most. There I go again, not knowing. Sorry I've brought you shame.

Fuck you. I hope we meet again.

Hayden

**Author's Note:**

> I just have so many feelings about this kid okay


End file.
